When you pretend to be gay for 3 years

In my thirties, it said I wasn't gay because I wanted kids.

No One Knows I’m

Here's what most people don't understand about gay imposter syndrome: it often begins as protection. I stared at my screen, remembering my own AMs. The nights I'd scroll through photos from Pride, searching my own face for evidence of belonging.

Knowing how to identify the signs a guy is pretending to be straight can offer valuable insight into a person's struggle with self-acceptance and the pressures they may face from societal expectations or personal circumstances.

The goalposts never stop moving because the imposter's job isn't to assess truth. Last month, a client—let's call him Marcus—described how his imposter voice had evolved over the years. Like any moment someone's going to call me out for not being gay enough.".

It was the echo of hundreds of sessions where clients described the same haunting: a voice inside that constantly audits their identity, demanding receipts they can never quite produce. Subscribe to feel seen — and to see yourself more clearly. It's the prosecuting attorney that never rests, building cases from every moment you don't feel "gay enough.

Coming Out in Adulthood

Maybe you’re worried about if you should tell your date that you recently came out as asexual and how they’ll react. Upgrade for the deep dives. Does it sound like someone you know, or is it a voice you've created entirely on your own?

This wasn't just one late-night confession. By exploring various signs someone is gay, ranging from subtle cues to more overt indicators, we hope to foster empathy, understanding, and support for those who might. The tragedy is when that protective voice outlives its purpose, continuing to patrol the borders of your identity long after you've found safety.

We have a name for the external forces that try to convince us we're straight. Gay imposter syndrome cuts deeper. Traditional imposter syndrome whispers that you're not smart enough, accomplished enough, deserving enough. It might have started as a survival mechanism, trying to keep you safe in hostile environments.

Yeah man, if you want to reveal your attraction to women, you are probably best served by faking a slow transition into being bi. But what about the internalized examiner that insists we're failing at being gay? That voice saying "you're not really gay"?

Bi guys exist and if anyone's going to be understanding of this fake sexuality slide, it's going to be members of the LGBT community. It questions whether you even exist. It interrogates your desires, cross-examines your attractions, and finds your identity guilty of insufficient evidence.

Maybe you were married for 20 years but feel like a teenager again as you prepare for your first date with another man. The imposter voice doesn't just doubt your achievements. The message arrived at AM, that witching hour when defenses crumble and truth bleeds through: "I've been with my partner for three years, but I still feel like I'm pretending to be gay.

When the world tells you that being gay is wrong, dangerous, or impossible, part of your mind might try to shield you by denying it's true. Now in my forties, it says I'm not gay enough because I live in the suburbs with my husband and drive a minivan.

The mornings I'd wake beside someone I loved and feel like a tourist in my own life. This sure is one literal interpretation of the expression "walking a mile in someone else's shoes." Inwe brought you the story of Timothy Kurek, a straight, Christian man who "came out" to his family, friends and church community and "lived as a gay man" for a year in order to better empathize with the life and struggles of queer people.